" Morning is when i am awake and there is a dawn in me. Moral reform is the effort to throw of sleep. Why is it that men give so poor an account of their day if they have not been slumbering? They are not such poor calculators. If they had not been overcome with drowsiness, they would have perfomed something. The millions are awake enough for physical labor; but only one in a million is awake enouogh for effective intellectual exertion, only one in a hundred millions to a poetic or divine life. To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet met a man who was quite awake. How could i have looked him in the face? "

Walden, Henry David Thoreau

Simplicity

Bloody hell my original post did not come out.
Was watching a rerun of Ed today.
I must say it is indeed a really good show and you guys with cable should really watch it. For one it actually deals with real life issues, issues totally relevant to us. Not like those lousy soaps like the Bold and the Beautiful or the senseless reality programmes that basically don't mean crap.
The episode I watched today basically dealt with life, our mortality. In the show there was this man who after a near death experience woke up wanting to do everything. To be somebody, make waves, make an impact in the world. So he adopted this do everything philosophy, trying basically everything from literally riding off into the sunset and bowling naked. Ok so this may seem unrealistic but I feel that the character actually spoke a lot of sense.
We have one life, so why not try everything?
Then there was another scene in which students in a literature class were studying Walden, and how one guy found what he felt was the answer to life. That is to simplify.
Basically the answer is this, Why kill yourself with work and everything just to get stuff, just get rid of the stuff.
Man that was just so insightful, just give up the stuff.
In the episode Ed was also undergoing through a sort mid life crisis, where he desperately tried to relive his youth before coming to the acceptance that he was indeed getting older.
The realization of ones mortality can be both a frightening and all together good thing. Frightening not because of death itself but rather its uncertainly, and a good thing because it directs your life. To live your life as a passenger in transit is probably the most frightening thing for me.
Philosophy I don't care what in your life, is probably the most important thing, to have something you believe in and adhere to. I don't care what you believe in whether it is God or Money or Sex whatever just have something in your life.

Anyway I am going to Woodlands library to borrow Walden tomorrow, seems like a really interesting read, I will come back and tell you if I get any insights from the book.

This world needs
a little more compassion
a little more love
a little more idealism
a little more direction

Does anyone want to watch the polar express with me?

Today was the second time i messaged her and again no reply, damn. Maybe like what Zhenhui said, i just got the wrong number cause i don't think she is someone to just snub another person. This is killing me; all these questions...

The paradox of prayer. Pray as though everything depends on God and work as though everything depends on you.

Finally the last paper, well officially my JC life has ended I guess, unless of course.....
Anyway I went home after the paper and had a talk with my mum about the future and about those financial plans she has, supposedly just to keep me informed.
Anyway I went to orchard after that to watch the movie The Incredibles, not a bad movie however contrary to what my friends say I did not find it that funny. It was good though, highly entertaining and also thought provoking. This line really spoke to me- saying everyone is special means no one is.
I also like the way the story was both deep yet light hearted, especially the way they explored what it means to be yourself; the search for one's identity.
The question is who am I, really, ask yourself who you really are, do you really know?

Oh yeh there wa this crazy woman on the bus on my way home, not sure what was wrong with her but she was spitting and scolding vulgarities at Malays. She even tried the hit a malay lady resulting in a fight on board the bus between the crazy lady and the husband and his children.
Man, it was frightening, was actually preparing myself to strike should she come and attack me, i do look malay after all.
Singapore seems to be full of nutters nowadays, people may blame the stress and all that crap but really i think it is because we are becoming increasingly self centred that we do not give people enough attention and love. What is money if you do not have a fulfilling life, why work like hell but not get to enjoy and experience life.
Money is such everyone needs it but there is never enough so we work like shit so we can relax but we can't relax cause we are spending all our money on our holidays so we work even harder........................it just goes on

Ok I really hate to admit this but I think I have a serious infatuation problem here.
Bloody hell cannot believe I actually waited for her to reply which she never did.
What the hell? Cannot belief I can be reduced to such a state over someone.

So anyway I tried to occupy myself with things to do today, you know just to get my mind of things. Morning I went to visit my friend to hang out and basically watch the AND 1 mixtape 6.
After which went to get my hair cut and rounded of the afternoon with some table tennis and basketball, and tomorrow I am going for a swim, yea. I even found 4 bucks on the ground on the way to Northpoint.
...crap...

Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Only you can save me now
From this misery

this is taken from the song heaven by the los lonely boys, its a good song.

Ok so after some wheeling and dealing on my part i managed to get my sister to help me get "her" number for me. It was not too god though cause according to my sister she was kinda freaked out and the only reason she gave the number was because it was my sister.
Man am i that freaky, ok don't answer that.
Seems that i always do something stupid when i am around girls, i either shy away or just do something stupid.
I need help here, i bet its in my genes this thing. My father only had one girlfriend by the way, am i cursed to be a hopeless bachelor???

Today has been a good day, woke up early at 630 and attended the first mass which was at 745.
Seldom attend mass this early but it was quite an experience, for one I was probably the only teenager there, mostly the seniors.
Anyway so I went for some breakfast and proceeded to study at McDonald's from about 930 to about 5 when me and my friend just ran out of steam.
The McDonald's opposite Khatib camp is really an interesting place, as in people of every race and different financial background congregate there. There are the typical heartlanders that speak the usual singlish to the more wealthy Singaporeans with their near perfect English with the occasional lahs here and there. Then there are also the expatriate, all in one McDonald's, hard to see so many different peoples under one roof.
Its not hard to notice that there are very many distinguishing features in the way the different peoples act in public.
For one the phrase, "stop it before I slap you" seems widely used by heartland families, often outings turn into situations of pandemonium rather than enjoyment.
While for families from the higher end of the table, discipline matters are done in a completely different way with no threats.
I am not sure which way is best but if I feel that the way to bring up ones children is not with threats but with firm reasoning.
Ok think you guys don't know what I am talking about, guess I would better stop here.

I feel them shittified today, not sure if that is a word, just don't seem to be in the mood to do anything.
Could not sleep well last night, it was so warm in my room even though it was raining throughout.
Then today attempted to study but just could not concentrate, too many things on my mind. First there is NS then my exams and also my horrible experience yesterday.
Never felt this way before, hope it goes away soon so I can concentrate on preparing for my paper on Monday.
Will study after church tomorrow at McDonald's and since the paper is at 2 on Monday I guess I will have enough time to finish my revision.
Thinking back on yesterday I am not sure whether I should laugh or rather cry, cry at my pathetic attempt. More often than not I think would laugh but this time I can't.
Why is someone I don't even know affecting me so terribly?
Never had this before.
Anyway I was talking to one of my basketball pals just now, seems like I will be stuck in Tekong for the first three weeks at least and may only go back on the Holidays. Sure hope so I would really dread missing Christmas.

Man..............

Shit man this is one big shit of a day.
Ok chemistry was bad enough but it was nothing compared to what i did after the exam.
So i guessed the last 10 questions, but still it was not as stupid as compared to what i did later.
here is what happened....
Wait! So i was saying that i had nothing to lose? that was one piece of shit advice.
do not i repeat do not follow my advice what so ever.

Ok so i was following my own advice of just doing what i wanted to do right? so i was walking to the MRT station after the paper feeling like shit and all that.
Then i saw her walking to school.
So then that thing about nothing to lose popped in, adrenalin was pumping, i was in the ZONE.
So i went to talk to her, and there is where it happened......
this was what was in my mind at that time- BLANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then i said
" have you heard of angel fruitcake with seven minute frosting"
OH MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so she gave me this weird stare and walked off.
How can anyone screw it up worst than me, tell me!!!!!
she is probably thinking i am some guy with something wrong with my head.
Man the only good thing that came out of it was that i won't be in the school next year.

Of all the stupid things i did in my life this really takes the cake

So i managed to chat with one of the makers of the singapore streetball website and he seems to be quite a nice guy and all. Not proud or anything, guess that just shows to never judge a book by its cover.
Been reading Harry Potter again mostly out of boredom, should be studying for my biology paper though but i think i deserve a break.
Basically after Monday i will be free, bring on the holidays!
After that will be NS, so basically i have nothing to lose, i am going to do all the things i have not dared to do over this past year before i lose my freedom.
watch out world here i come!
Think i am using basically too often, bloody limited vocabulary.

AJC a reflection PART 2

Whew just got back from school, well not actually school, the paper finished at about 930 and after that o went over to Thomson Plaza to get some breakfast and just relax for a while.
Just talking to Zhenhui about the happenings in school over the past two years.
Two years......So fast.
I am and was never a very active supporter or rather student of the school but I did have some enjoyable times there. Quite a number of interesting happenings if you ask me, from the incident in the toilet to the torturous PE lessons.
Then there was the class, well sad to say I don't really know a lot much about the girls, except that they are very noisy, and some have boyfriends. Yeh that's about it....... When I can think of something more I will write- no worries
Then there are of course the good looking people in the school, you know what I mean right, the people that just make you want to turn around and stare when they walk by. Not many in AJC but there are quite a few walking around namely yours truly...He...
Funny thing about guys or maybe its just me, is that we go through the whole year saying "boy she looks good, maybe I should ask for her number" and we just never do. Maybe its just me, if you are different write something in the tagboard.
I must be such a hopeless loser, can't believe it, almost one year and I have not even tried to speak to her. Damn. Well there goes my chance I guess, left only a few days in school, don't think I can do anything about it.

In AJC for one the toilets are a place where lots of often funny yet disturbing things happen. Like once we were rushing to change for PE and Ken's shirt fell into one of the urinals....Man HAHAHAHAHAHA
Of course then there is the jolly wanker you must look out for.
Another funny thing is how the water pressure in the toilets are always so low, you press the flush and out comes this little trickle of water to wash away your stuff. I think I can do a better job flushing with my spit.

Hmm can't seem to think of anything more when I can I will post, no worries.

My writing seems so fragmented- this is not a blog this is a mindmap of the thoughts and ideas in my mind

I just have to write this
Was just browsing around ebay.com.sg just now
A NYGH uniform is going for sale at 40 bucks...wow!
Who want to buy uniforms??????????????
Bloody sickos

Well i have finally completed my two year course in Math C, wooohoooo!!!
1+1=11 yeh!!!!
Don't think i did too well though, bloody GP.
Anyway i am kind of loony right now, slept at 2 am last night revising my maths. I can't go to sleep yet though, still have my chemistry to revise. I am awake but not really 'here'. I am just running on my reserves and that tall cup of caffe latte i had this afternoon.
Loony.........................
Cool weather tonight
prepare for mosquitos and beetles. Hate beetles flying into my room, making so much noise giving me no choice to kil them. I don't want to kill you, why must you disturb me????????????????????????????????
Was trying to study at Mac just now, bloody Y** people make so much noise, so confident is it???
Then some guy went to pollute the bloody toliet, think he spent 30 minutes in there, how long can you shit man, stink up the place somemore.
I am going crazy here better get out before i write something offensive...

This is my third day of officially not doing anything related to the A levels.My so called relaxation day has turned out to be three days, hope I don't live to regret this later.
Today I actually wanted to study but in the end.... Spent my time talking cock to Joe Han and ended up playing lan. Well at least I was relaxed so it wasn't a total waste of time.
I think there is no such thing as a waste of time, just like they say in economics- oppourtunity cost.
Basically life balances out. If you relax now you have to work later and if you work now you get to relax later.
that's my theory anyway.

Tomorrow will be my official 'going back to study day' no more gaming or basketball for that matter.
Anyway I was surfing the web the other day, obviously not studying, when I stumbled across this local basketball website (I don't know why I am writing this since none of you readers actually play basketball) anyway the site is www.smoovejump.cjb.net check it out if you want.
To me the creators seem to be very influenced by the hip hop, streetball, my turf, gangsta wave that is hitting the US. They even gave themselves nicknames, just like those AND1 players in the states. Think its rather lame though, having a nickname like 'slice of life' will only get you weird stares in the Singapore basketball scene. Furthermore who they think they are? Their just giving a bad rep for Singapore ballers. Now everyone well think Singapore ballers are just black American wannabe ball players. Keep it real man! Show the true side of Singapore balling culture- THE BENG CULTURE!!!!

Just here to slack a bit after today's biology and math paper.
Well i found the papers doable i guess, if thats even a word, think i probably put in a D grade or C grade quality paper.

Tomorrow day is my official reaxation day, day to unwind and just get my mind of the exams for the moment. Think i will go play a little pool and some basketball and maybe even chill out at starbucks with a tall cup of hot chocolate.
Starbucks is great thing is i don't drink coffee. Think i am one of the rare few that frequent cafes and don't order coffee.

GP is over now comes the rest of the battle.
I entered the hall yesterday determined to write my best essay ever but I only managed a so so essay, thoughts weren't focused and I fear that I may have written out of point. The paper 2 was bad, not really confident, its quite obvious you won't be doing to well if you end up writing a shallow narrative for the AQ. I am confident I shall pass though, I hope. The thing about 'A' levels is that its not about passing but doing well and the secret to doing that is to study well in advance, well its three days to the first content paper its just too late for that, it now depends on how much I can cram and how lucky I am.

I think I can finish studying in time, its going to be very tight though.
Was watching the OC yesterday, great show, a little exaggerated though. How can one person have so many problems, its as though teenage life is so full of sadness and frustration. Maybe I am just too happy and boh chup, oblivious to what my friends are going through.
Anyway the one thing that sets OC apart from our local TV dramas is not the story line but rather the appeal and 'coolness' factor of the stars. Furthermore these people can actually act, the storyline is similar to any of our local dramas with the crying and the cliche scene where the girl is angry at her BF who tries to stop her from running away, she then reacts angrily by struggling against his grasp before finally crying and sobbing in his arms.
A scene seen in almost every drama both local and foreign, but the difference is that our local actors just can't bring across the emotion in such a scene, often becoming more of a comedy than a tear jerking moment.
Oh yea the actress who plays Haly? Ryan's foster mum's sister, well she is hot.

Not sure what to write today so I think I will just give you guys a look into the typical day in my life.

Lets see, yea so the exams are nearing. Woke up at 7 read the papers, breakfast showered and I was off to school to return Zhenhui his camera. Found an empty classroom and put in 3 hours of revision. Long John Silvers for lunch and then to Yishun Starbucks for more revision.
Revision was going well, then not so well then was almost falling asleep. Then it something woke me right up. A girl wearing the shortest skirt I ever saw in my life walked in, now don't go thinking I often go around looking at girls legs, but with a skirt like that I can only think she wanted people to look at them. The government should ban skirts that short, distracted me from studying not that I am complaining. Ok so I tried my best to continue studying till 530, met my sis who was coming back from training and off we went to church.
Met my uncle and my mum there for all saints day mass.
Oh yeah finally on the way home in the bus I saw the so called EE Hui twin haha uncanny resemblance and equally blur hahahahaha! sorry.

Oh yea was studying with my BBall friends at Mac on Saturday and later went for dinner at the Famous Chong Pang Nasi Lemak store. Then they brought me to the BBall court at 700+ the toughest court to play at, all the best streetballers around the north area plays there. Saw the AJC J1 basketball captain and shooting guard, man they were outclassed totally thrashed. Gotta try out my game there one day.